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发表于 2025-12-31 23:28:03
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当然,比起接下来的问题,上述问题根本就算不了什么,因为有些问题是真的让人感到蚌不住:比如私信我的一位舰长直接发了一张图片,表示“有点看不懂”汉化后的内容(LZ已用红框标出):
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该页出自布莱恩·拉维利(Brian Lavery)的著作《Wooden Warship Construction》,幸运的是LZ正好也有此书,因此查到了原图(此处对原文件做了缩放处理)
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其中两段文字分别为:
“The ship was to be built at the rate of £17 2s per ton for 1546 tons, any excess on that was not to be paid for. The first instalment of £2900 would be paid on signing the contract, the same amount when the keel was laid, stem and stern posts up and the floors crossed; then when the full frames were raised, ‘set to rights, levelled and shored’. After that the fitting of the filling frames between the gunports earned another instalment, then when the main wales were wrought and fitted and the bottom planked. The fitting of the gundeck beams earned another £2900, followed by the upper deck, quarterdeck and forecastle beams and planks. The works in the hold and the main channels earned another payment, and finally,”
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以及“...a perfect bill for the remainder that shall be due for the said ship, after she shall be entirely completed, launched and delivered safe on float … into the hands of such officer or officers as shall be appointed to receive her; and a certificate of the performance of the whole work, according to the terms of this contract, made and given by such persons as shall be appointed thereto, by the said commissioners …
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LZ仔细对比了原文和汉化译文,发现造成读不懂的原因主要是“术语错误”和“语序混乱”(含排版)这两个原因:
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先说几个错误比较明显的地方:
1.“floors crossed”并非“底板交叉”,“floors”在这里是指肋骨的底组部分,即“底肋骨”(LZ保留了王绍杰老师的译文术语,将底肋骨翻译成“肋板”),而“crossed”是肋板在龙骨上安装完毕的状态(与龙骨垂直),因此此处的“floors crossed”应该是“肋板安装完成”的意思才更合适。
2.“quarterdeck”这个词并非艉甲板,而是后甲板(艉甲板是“poop deck”)
3.“after she shall be entirely completed, launched and delivered safe on float …”这句话的“delivered safe on float”该汉化版直接没有翻译,其意思是“安全浮于水面”。这是风帆时代验收船只时的一项重要指标,比如当年著名的“瓦萨”号就是开船几分钟后就沉了。
4.最后说一个术语问题:“into the hands of such officer or officers as shall be appointed to receive her”,该译文翻译的是“交付给指定的接受官员或官员”(怎么样,是不是读起来有点绕?),文中的“such officer or officers as shall be appointed”是当时法律文书的典型句式:such... as...译为“之”(或“的”),是中文里对应此类限定性定语从句的正式译法。而officer or officers则是为了严格对应单复数并列的表述,因为文件撰写人不知道验收时是一个军官还是一群军官,因此这里的officer or officers可以翻译成“军官(或军官们)”。
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然后最让人摸不着头脑的地方:
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乍看之下,第一段结尾断得莫名其妙,第二段开头又莫名其妙。LZ仔细阅读了这两段,发现此处是一个原电子版的排版问题:因为原文件是Epub格式,这两段的内容其实是同一段内容并且都被排在一页,但是因为第一段字体尺寸较大,如果按照相同尺寸第二段就会打乱排版。因此就将一部分文字做了字体缩小的处理。很明显,该译文的汉化很有可能用的是自动翻译排版,所以造成了这种结果。因此在进行翻译时,为了方便阅读效果,LZ个人觉得还是把这两段按照一个整体处理才比较好。
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最后,LZ试着将该两段话整合后重新翻译一遍:
“该船(前文的“欧律阿勒斯”号)以每吨17英镑2先令的价格总计建造1546吨,任何超出该重量的部分将不予支付。第一期2900英镑的预**将在签署合同后支付,在龙骨铺设完毕、设立好艏柱和艉柱、并且肋板安装完成后再支付一笔相同金额的款项;然后当所有的船体主肋骨竖立完毕、“校正就位、调平并支撑稳固”后支付下一笔款项;当炮口之间的填充肋骨安装完成后再获得另一笔款项,然后当主船缘板定型并安装完毕、且船底部蒙皮完成后再获得一笔款项。所有炮甲板梁安装完成后再获得另一笔2900英镑的款项,接下来(的**项目)是上层甲板、后甲板及艏楼甲板的横梁与铺板。当货仓与主桅侧支索承板建造完成后再获得另一笔款项。最终,在该船彻底完工、成功下水并安全浮于水面、并交付给受委派接收该舰的军官(们)手中之后,需开具一张完整的最终结算清单,列明该舰应付的余款;同时,还需由上述专员委派的人员,根据本合同条款,出具并签发一份证明全部工程已履行完毕的证书。”
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总结一下:虽然个人翻译不可能做到百分百完美,但是主动校对明显的错误、让读者避免不必要的阅读障碍、让最终成品“起码能看得过去”应当是译者们默认的一个标准,也希望今后其他的译者们能多注意这一点,使翻译的作品有更高的准确性。 |
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